January 13, 2017

An Open letter from D-I-L to her would be In-laws (Adarsh Nari)

Dear In-laws,

As euphoric as I may feel right now, I am apprehensive too, for I have no clue about how my life would change once I change my surname. Though getting married has been one of my craziest dreams and I have always wanted to experience it, I am now terrified.

I have just known your son for a few days and I am relying on you to help me adjust and adapt to the new life. My married-friends have already told me that I would no longer be that young free girl who once had the freedom to meet her friends, catch a movie or so and then head for eating ‘Golgappe’. I understand that my new life would bring so many responsibilities along with it and that it will take a lot of compromise and sacrifice to get used to the new routine. I was also told that I would no longer have that 'right' to take care of my ageing parents and that they would have no right to intervene in my life. How can I break all contact with the people with whom I have spent the most delicate years of my life?This is perturbing.

It makes me jump out of my skin to even think that I would not be able to sleep till late on weekends. Your son, when we first met, outlined the schedule the DILs follow in the house. It was something I had never done but my mom says that I will start liking it once I get married. Your son told me to wear only sarees or salwar kameez in the house. He asked me to learn making Chicken Curry and Mutton. When I told him that I am a vegan, he seemed a little annoyed. He just flatly stated that it was mandatory for the DILs to learn to cook these dishes. Is that so? If yes, I will try my best to keep you all happy.

Mother, I also got to know that your son likes to travel. But when I asked him, he said he only goes on business tours. Will I get a chance to travel with him? I also love to travel. Now that I can’t meet my friends every now and then, can I accompany my husband when he is out? He also spoke to me about planning for a baby. I told him that I do not want one for two years, but he insisted on having one as soon as we get married. I am not prepared for this. My mother says that this is how it is supposed to be. My heart and mind refuse to believe this. But if this is what you all want, I would try to convince myself to be ready for the added responsibility.

Your son also mentioned about his ex- girlfriends. Does he still talk to them? I tried asking him, but he ignored my question. Afraid and clueless, I preferred not repeating it. Even after talking to him for that one hour, I felt as if I knew nothing about him. Is your son always so secretive? I told him about my job in Syndicate Bank; he didn’t seem interested. He told me about his job at TCS; I had to pretend to be interested though I didn’t understand any technical terminology. Does his disinterest in my job mean that he will forbid me to work after marriage? He mentioned about the maid being kicked out in few months; he did not tell me why.

There are more questions that are vexing me and have rendered my nights sleepless. Whom should I ask? Will you answer my questions? My mom doesn’t seem to like what goes on and on in my mind. Marriage, which once seemed like the only solution that would blow away the cobwebs, now is like the bane of my life. How can I decide to spend the rest of my life with your son and you too, without having a fair idea of what I am getting into?

I am looking forward to your answer as I am hoping that would ease the lines that have developed on my forehead.

Yours would-be DIL

(Yesterday, FIL called my Father and asked him to add some more things to the gift list. Though we are happy that you are non-believers of the clich├ęd ritual of dowry, I beseech you to please exclude Innova car and 3.5 Lakh cash from the list. My father, being a private sector employee, cannot afford this much)

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