Wedding cliches - selling like hot cakes!

Colorful clothes, jolly smiles, mouth watering food, dhol, band baja, tents, halwaai- a typical sight of a traditional wedding in  India. As winter approaches, the wedding season begins. There is continuous sound of the band, Baja and the “Baarat”. Every year, this is the time when there is music and food all around. You get so many invitations that it becomes seriously tough to decide which wedding you should attend. But ultimately two factors govern your decision- closeness with the host and the level of function (including the taste/ variety of food). Everybody is a happy camper on the day of the wedding. Right from the bride, the groom, their parents, and all the other close relatives. But Indian weddings are more than just this. The best words to describe a typical Indian wedding would be “a social show-off day”, where every person dresses extra dramatically, puts on their best and the most expensive shoes and constantly tries to put other off. It eventually becomes more of a cliché wedding than the normal ritual. But deep within, everybody enjoys this!

The first concern on the minds of the parents is the overall budget of the wedding. With the new age/ era, came the new thought of revoking the practice of “dowry”, but what is more prevalent these days, is a more modern version of dowry system. The Bride’s family is so much reluctant to give dowry but are ever ready to spend lavishly on the lawn decorations, expensive food, extensive pandaal and the gifts/ return gifts. Even the “lehenga” of the bride costs too much. But, as I said before, the wedding won’t be worth if the bride doesn’t spend on her dress. This is not the end. The cliché

“Log kya kahenge” is also very important. Even after spending so much on the arrangements, there is a constant fear in the minds of the parents that what will people say. I mean come on; marriage is a function to enjoy and not to wait for the critical remarks of people who care more about free dinner than giving their blessings to the newlywed couple.

Even now, the most literate section of our society follows the custom of dowry, indirectly. They believe in giving away gifts and car and cash to the groom’s family, as if their daughter was not enough. And this is why I still wonder, why is the status of women degrading day by day? Girls are paying to get married, in literal sense.

Another wedding cliché is the one followed by the groom’s family. The conventional custom of timely arrival of the “baraat” has been successfully replaced by the custom of arriving when half of the guests have already eaten their dinner and gone. However much you might like the weddings, not getting an opportunity to see the groom, spoils the excitement of attending a wedding. Wedding means lots and lots of food and this eventually means wastage. Now this is something to ponder upon. Amidst the love of showing off their wealth and basking in the glory of their stupendous functions, people forget about the menace they are causing to the society.

Another custom rather cliché that is seen in the weddings is that the old Aunts or Uncles, sit together and make matches of all the eligible children in the family. Weddings are bound to be uncomfortable at this point. You cannot make the elders unhappy by answering back, so all you got is to “smile” and pretend that you are equally eager to tie the knot.

Long story cut short, I wish I do not get caught up in these social obligations when it is my “D” day (Fingers crossed). A fun filled wedding- with the near and dear ones around the corner, all the music, chatting, gossips, dance and the delicious food, is a dream though, yet I prefer not getting under the influence of the wedding clichés!

Martians Vs Venusians- A battle of wills

Ever got into an argument with an opposite gender?

Yes, the war between men and women is inevitable. The saying, “Men are from mars and women from venus”, is true. I know most of us have read the wonderful work by John Gray, but still the whole idea of writing the book is perplexing. I personally think that the aim of writing this book was to resolve the mystery and tie the loose threads together so that the understanding between men and women improves and both try on placing each other on equal pedestal. But no! The pride, the ego and the race to become superior is more important than cherishing the differences and living with them.

Men love spotlight. They love when their abilities get appreciated or recognised. As for their relationship with women, they want women to depend on them and acknowledge their presence, everytime. Women are completely opposite though. They want their feelings to be understood and appreciated. It is important to realize that men and women have extremely reciprocal behaviours and preferences. When exposed to problems, men tend to become mute and work with their mind to sort out the problems. Women, on the other hand, are vulnerable. Come hell or high water, they will get the problem sorted, but for that they need to communicate and help others to figure out a way for them. Talking of language, men prefer talking in very literal terms that are rarely understood by women. They prefer sorting their thoughts and organizing them, before actually putting them into words. On the contrary, women, when in a difficult plight, possess the nature of sorting out their thoughts simultaneously while communicating.

The crux of the matter is that women are emotional, inside out. Men, like rubber bands, tend to relapse into their solitary phase (the so called “space in a relationship”) and then spring back to being their normal selves. Unlike them, women are like waves. They have their own crests and troughs of happiness and sadness. When they think it is time for emotional cleansing, they cry bloody murder and even develop swollen eyes. But when they are happy, they are full of the joys of the spring. Therefore, the communication between the two creations is the key to a good and long lasting relationship. Verbal attacks are the most destructive ones and should be avoided wherever and whenever possible. It is essential to realize that winning an argument, even if the partner’s views remain unchanged, is more of a hollow victory. And thus, the only solution that I can think of is that during an argument, men should avoid getting defensive and try to lend an ear to what is being said and women, on their part, should work upon expressing their problem without criticizing their partner.

Long story cut short, like apples and oranges, men and women are completely different. They cannot be weighed together. They think differently, have varied perspectives and also have different preferences. The best can be reflected when both sides decide to accept each other and give equal respect.

PS: This is just a theoretical concept. I myself cannot abstain from getting into an argument and striving to win everytime (grin).

ObLiViOn

Like the speechless fallen petals in autumn

My words are never enough

For anyone, for everyone

My identity is drunk into an oblivion

I feel the numbnesss in my life

The “gap” that stands between me and the world

It grows and increases by leaps and bounds

Leaving me in my own solitude

With the charm and glow of happiness

I walk everyday with a painted-on smile

No one cares, no one dares

Leaving me in the bushes, that pretend to scare.

I stand strong, I stand confident

But I also fall weak at the knees

For when the tide rises a little too high

It seems to kiss the sky

But when the tide falls,

 it vanishes into the thin air

I feel sad, I feel alone

With no one to decipher

Gradually falling into the limbo

Hoping against hope to be rescued.

 ~AliveShadow