MOCKTALE: DILWALE: Clash of Cars- A She(i)tty version!

“If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?” and probably Rohit Shetty strongly believes in this, for his newbie ‘DILWALE’ is one such attempt that is unfathomable. The focal points of the movie are ‘cars’, ‘Sanjay Mishra’, a younger brother named ‘Veer’ (we have already met one in All the Best) and ‘Jhonny Lever’.

The title of the movie is misleading because nowhere do we get any idea about how relevant and apt is the title. Presenting before you, a mix of favourable and second rate checklist that will indeed, help you decide your opinion for the movie.

• The initial hype about the rekindling of the chemistry between SRK and KAJOL is a total fail. Trust me, Kajol is getting on in years (for those who still think that she is the same ‘mere khwabo me jo aaye’ girl). During the first part of the movie, when Kaali and Meera meet and fall in love, the all mushy and dreamy love tale gets spoiled, majorly due to the use of high- pitched voice by Kajol every now and then (puberphonia, eh? But that is more common in males!) and secondly because of Kajol looks like a mutton dressed as lamb. No doubt the costumes are great, but she doesn’t look that young (You got my point, right? No? Well, who cares!)
• Why is the movie named ‘Dilwale’? (Someone please justify the title)
• Is it necessary that if you are the ‘King’ then your adhaar card has to be made?
• The special ‘Rohit Shetty Clash of Cars’ effect, which was absolutely unnecessary and a total waste of money
• The wastage of clothes…. Who wears such long skirts and evening gowns, when standing on water (reminds me, how can one run on water) or on a crashed plane? Infact, where did she find a room to get dressed to the nines?
• Relating to the above point, how did SRK and Kajol reach the center of the icebergs (in the sea?)?
• Why is the ‘saree ka palla’ so long?
• ‘Sautela bhai, bache’ cliché! (Patented concept of Shetty)
• Bromance and Womance- Wow! Rohit Shetty patent continuing from Golmaal to Golmaal Returns to Golmaal 3 to All the best to Bol Bacchann!!
• When asked, Raghav told the truth without hemming and hawing. Had Kajol asked him earlier about the story behind the death of her ‘don’ father, the duration of the movie would have been lesser.
• Mission Impossible 2- car rotation- eyecontact- COPIED!
• How I met your mother- 5 minute date scene- COPIED!
• Probably, SRK loves doing movies which have a big leap. Baazigar had a leap of 15 years, Karan Arjun had a leap of 20 years, Om Shanti Om had a leap of around 20 years and now Dilwale. (Oops! Dilwale had 15 years, 4 months and 10 days. Wow!)
• SRK’s ‘aaaaaeeeeeeeee’ and the open arms cliché.

DILWALE is more like a vacation with lavish and posh cars that get blown up every now and then. It is not a movie but a travel brochure. You can watch it to know and search for several mesmerizing places (Obviously, Bulgaria is the main one!).

Anyway, the movie is a serious blow-up in the face of SRK and Kajol fans. Shetty comes up with such crazy ideas-he must definitely have bats in the belfry! But if you decide to keep your grey cells in your pocket and then watch this masterpiece, then you might like it for the music is great (Kudos Arijit Singh for Janam Janam) and the cinematography is breathtaking. Kriti and Dhawan have done justice to their roles. But as it is already being pointed out, the roles of ‘Oscar bhai’, ‘King’ and ‘Mani bhai’ were not required.

Dilwale cannot be put into the category of an entertainer because the only factor responsible for its eminence is the comeback of the most romantic B- world pair! In the end, it’s all about different folks having different strokes!