Martians Vs Venusians- A battle of wills

Ever got into an argument with an opposite gender?

Yes, the war between men and women is inevitable. The saying, “Men are from mars and women from venus”, is true. I know most of us have read the wonderful work by John Gray, but still the whole idea of writing the book is perplexing. I personally think that the aim of writing this book was to resolve the mystery and tie the loose threads together so that the understanding between men and women improves and both try on placing each other on equal pedestal. But no! The pride, the ego and the race to become superior is more important than cherishing the differences and living with them.

Men love spotlight. They love when their abilities get appreciated or recognised. As for their relationship with women, they want women to depend on them and acknowledge their presence, everytime. Women are completely opposite though. They want their feelings to be understood and appreciated. It is important to realize that men and women have extremely reciprocal behaviours and preferences. When exposed to problems, men tend to become mute and work with their mind to sort out the problems. Women, on the other hand, are vulnerable. Come hell or high water, they will get the problem sorted, but for that they need to communicate and help others to figure out a way for them. Talking of language, men prefer talking in very literal terms that are rarely understood by women. They prefer sorting their thoughts and organizing them, before actually putting them into words. On the contrary, women, when in a difficult plight, possess the nature of sorting out their thoughts simultaneously while communicating.

The crux of the matter is that women are emotional, inside out. Men, like rubber bands, tend to relapse into their solitary phase (the so called “space in a relationship”) and then spring back to being their normal selves. Unlike them, women are like waves. They have their own crests and troughs of happiness and sadness. When they think it is time for emotional cleansing, they cry bloody murder and even develop swollen eyes. But when they are happy, they are full of the joys of the spring. Therefore, the communication between the two creations is the key to a good and long lasting relationship. Verbal attacks are the most destructive ones and should be avoided wherever and whenever possible. It is essential to realize that winning an argument, even if the partner’s views remain unchanged, is more of a hollow victory. And thus, the only solution that I can think of is that during an argument, men should avoid getting defensive and try to lend an ear to what is being said and women, on their part, should work upon expressing their problem without criticizing their partner.

Long story cut short, like apples and oranges, men and women are completely different. They cannot be weighed together. They think differently, have varied perspectives and also have different preferences. The best can be reflected when both sides decide to accept each other and give equal respect.

PS: This is just a theoretical concept. I myself cannot abstain from getting into an argument and striving to win everytime (grin).

ObLiViOn

Like the speechless fallen petals in autumn

My words are never enough

For anyone, for everyone

My identity is drunk into an oblivion

I feel the numbnesss in my life

The “gap” that stands between me and the world

It grows and increases by leaps and bounds

Leaving me in my own solitude

With the charm and glow of happiness

I walk everyday with a painted-on smile

No one cares, no one dares

Leaving me in the bushes, that pretend to scare.

I stand strong, I stand confident

But I also fall weak at the knees

For when the tide rises a little too high

It seems to kiss the sky

But when the tide falls,

 it vanishes into the thin air

I feel sad, I feel alone

With no one to decipher

Gradually falling into the limbo

Hoping against hope to be rescued.

 ~AliveShadow

Indian Society- Achilles Heel !! (Part 1)

Independent, are we?

Free, are we?

Masters of our lives, are we?

I don’t think so. Instead we are slaves of our very own society. I still think why I put up Spain’s flag as my whatsapp profile picture, on this Independence Day. Many questioned and criticized but I was not bothered because I knew the real reason behind this. I don’t like my country and yes it is true. It is not that I desire worldly pleasures, the gold and the diamonds, the best facilities or the lavish lifestyle. It is just that the society in which I reside is hurtful.

How can anybody chant the slogan of freedom when he/ she is not even sure what might happen the very next moment? Here in India, people are like crabs in a bucket. Each one of them tries to climb the ladder of wealth by stepping onto the others and throwing them back. Of course there are some good souls too. But they are also under the grip of our society. People abstain from helping each other or caring for each other. They ignore the bad that happens in front of them. They criticize and condemn the efforts of others and what not. And when it comes to proving the patriotism, they prefer uploading the picture of “national flag” or the “black dot of shame”, as their profile picture. This has been happening since ages, but still there has been no improvement in the development of this nation. Why? May be because the black dot is angry or may be because the social media site chosen by the people to show off their patriotism, did not reach out to other individuals. How lame is that.

Issues that make India a more dependent and worst country to live in are many and it would take a solid decade to write them up here. But some which haunt my mind every now and then are presented below.

The very recent ALS ice bucket challenge is the example. How many of us actually know why this challenge was introduced? How many of us know the meaning or even the full form of ALS? People are just running after the means to improve their PR and snatch the limelight. I was literally ashamed of the kind of posts that we Indians have been posting regarding this challenge. “Sunny Leone in hot bikini takes ice bucket challenge” or “Sania Mirza hot sexy avatar” or even better “The bollywood action hero (Akshay) takes up the challenge in Cape Town and exposes through his white T shirt”. How badly I wished that these celebs should be told about the ALS disease and the purpose of this challenge.

Another issue that often fills me with disgust is the position of women in our society. We talk about freedom but when it comes to travelling alone during night or wearing party dresses, it becomes a cultural issue. Every hour a woman, a girl or a lady is being raped in some part of this country. Majority of the issues are not even reported. If by chance an issue gets reported and the case comes out in public, then there are scenes of candle light marches, banners, hoardings and “Anshan”. But is this all helping? The trials of the rapist lingers on for years, some get bailed out and some get to spend their lives lavishly in jails. But has anybody thought about the victim or her family members? Leave aside the rape cases, even the normal girl, who dresses properly or avoids any chance of going out alone, fears that her dignity and morality might be at stake because every single man on the road has this beastly eyes waiting to hog the prey. Is this what is called freedom?

We make the government to assist the development and empowerment.

But are we really developed and empowered? There are no jobs, price hikes, unsatisfactory salaries, insecure future and much more. “Ache din aane wale hain” is a mere myth. People are yearning for proper electricity and water supply. The urban areas lack proper roads or means of communication. Complaints are not being attended. Service quality is degrading day by day. But where is the money going then? All of us complete our share of responsibility of paying the taxes. But this is more of an investment without an actual gain or profit.

Remember “Oh my God”. That is indeed the only movie that has touched my heart and soul. I do not believe in superstitions. And I also make sure I don’t follow things blindly. But what about others? Majority of Indians prefer going to “Nirmal Baba” and “Aasaram bapu” for advice. No sooner does the problem knocks at the door, the brain level of the people reaches to level zero. They are blindfolded by the sayings and “nuskhas” of these “sadhus” and “pujaris”. Instead of using their brain to solve the problem, they spend money in form of “guru dakshina” and “totkas”.

“Laughter is a best medicine” but laughing at people is definitely not. This society of ours is such that it neither supports nor encourages anybody to rise. The mentality of the people is such that they side against the one who is carefree or is a genuine human being. They comment, they pass horrendous remarks, they boycott, they fight and they blame. But none of them ever comes forward and praises the effort. Because they are afraid that they might be left behind while the other is climbing the ladder of success. So they try and pull him down too.

There is more to this. Simply by putting a black dot or the national flag, won’t make your nation the best. I also agree that by writing all this I would not be able to solve even the tiniest problem of this country. But I am writing because I want to write. I am not a preacher and so I do not preach. But some day I wish my words have enough power to incite the public (including myself) to such a level that they take up their role as responsible citizens and bring back the days of freedom and independence.

PS: More to come in the next post!!!